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Charles Dickens > Speeches: Literary and Social > LONDON, MAY 20, 1862

Speeches: Literary and Social

LONDON, MAY 20, 1862




[The following speech was made by Mr. Dickens, in his capacity as
chairman, at the annual Festival of the Newsvendors' and Provident
Institution, held at the Freemasons' Tavern on the above date.]

When I had the honour of being asked to preside last year, I was
prevented by indisposition, and I besought my friend, Mr. Wilkie
Collins, to reign in my stead. He very kindly complied, and made
an excellent speech. Now I tell you the truth, that I read that
speech with considerable uneasiness, for it inspired me with a
strong misgiving that I had better have presided last year with
neuralgia in my face and my subject in my head, rather than preside
this year with my neuralgia all gone and my subject anticipated.
Therefore, I wish to preface the toast this evening by making the
managers of this Institution one very solemn and repentant promise,
and it is, if ever I find myself obliged to provide a substitute
again, they may rely upon my sending the most speechless man of my
acquaintance.

The Chairman last year presented you with an amiable view of the
universality of the newsman's calling. Nothing, I think, is left
for me but to imagine the newsman's burden itself, to unfold one of
those wonderful sheets which he every day disseminates, and to take
a bird's-eye view of its general character and contents. So, if
you please, choosing my own time--though the newsman cannot choose
his time, for he must be equally active in winter or summer, in
sunshine or sleet, in light or darkness, early or late--but,
choosing my own time, I shall for two or three moments start off
with the newsman on a fine May morning, and take a view of the
wonderful broadsheets which every day he scatters broadcast over
the country. Well, the first thing that occurs to me following the
newsman is, that every day we are born, that every day we are
married--some of us--and that every day we are dead; consequently,
the first thing the newsvendor's column informs me is, that Atkins
has been born, that Catkins has been married, and that Datkins is
dead. But the most remarkable thing I immediately discover in the
next column, is that Atkins has grown to be seventeen years old,
and that he has run away; for, at last, my eye lights on the fact
that William A., who is seventeen years old, is adjured immediately
to return to his disconsolate parents, and everything will be
arranged to the satisfaction of everyone. I am afraid he will
never return, simply because, if he had meant to come back, he
would never have gone away. Immediately below, I find a mysterious
character in such a mysterious difficulty that it is only to be
expressed by several disjointed letters, by several figures, and
several stars; and then I find the explanation in the intimation
that the writer has given his property over to his uncle, and that
the elephant is on the wing. Then, still glancing over the
shoulder of my industrious friend, the newsman, I find there are
great fleets of ships bound to all parts of the earth, that they
all want a little more stowage, a little more cargo, that they have
a few more berths to let, that they have all the most spacious
decks, that they are all built of teak, and copper-bottomed, that
they all carry surgeons of experience, and that they are all A1 at
Lloyds', and anywhere else. Still glancing over the shoulder of my
friend the newsman, I find I am offered all kinds of house-lodging,
clerks, servants, and situations, which I can possibly or
impossibly want. I learn, to my intense gratification, that I need
never grow old, that I may always preserve the juvenile bloom of my
complexion; that if ever I turn ill it is entirely my own fault;
that if I have any complaint, and want brown cod-liver oil or
Turkish baths, I am told where to get them, and that, if I want an
income of seven pounds a-week, I may have it by sending half-a-
crown in postage-stamps. Then I look to the police intelligence,
and I can discover that I may bite off a human living nose cheaply,
but if I take off the dead nose of a pig or a calf from a shop-
window, it will cost me exceedingly dear. I also find that if I
allow myself to be betrayed into the folly of killing an
inoffensive tradesman on his own door-step, that little incident
will not affect the testimonials to my character, but that I shall
be described as a most amiable young man, and as, above all things,
remarkable for the singular inoffensiveness of my character and
disposition. Then I turn my eye to the Fine Arts, and, under that
head, I see that a certain "J. O." has most triumphantly exposed a
certain "J. O. B.," which "J. O. B." was remarkable for this
particular ugly feature, that I was requested to deprive myself of
the best of my pictures for six months; that for that time it was
to be hung on a wet wall, and that I was to be requited for my
courtesy in having my picture most impertinently covered with a wet
blanket. To sum up the results of a glance over my newsman's
shoulder, it gives a comprehensive knowledge of what is going on
over the continent of Europe, and also of what is going on over the
continent of America, to say nothing of such little geographical
regions as India and China.

Now, my friends, this is the glance over the newsman's shoulders
from the whimsical point of view, which is the point, I believe,
that most promotes digestion. The newsman is to be met with on
steamboats, railway stations, and at every turn. His profits are
small, he has a great amount of anxiety and care, and no little
amount of personal wear and tear. He is indispensable to
civilization and freedom, and he is looked for with pleasurable
excitement every day, except when he lends the paper for an hour,
and when he is punctual in calling for it, which is sometimes very
painful. I think the lesson we can learn from our newsman is some
new illustration of the uncertainty of life, some illustration of
its vicissitudes and fluctuations. Mindful of this permanent
lesson, some members of the trade originated this society, which
affords them assistance in time of sickness and indigence. The
subscription is infinitesimal. It amounts annually to five
shillings. Looking at the returns before me, the progress of the
society would seem to be slow, but it has only been slow for the
best of all reasons, that it has been sure. The pensions granted
are all obtained from the interest on the funded capital, and,
therefore, the Institution is literally as safe as the Bank. It is
stated that there are several newsvendors who are not members of
this society; but that is true in all institutions which have come
under my experience. The persons who are most likely to stand in
need of the benefits which an institution confers, are usually the
persons to keep away until bitter experience comes to them too
late.


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Index Index

EDINBURGH, JUNE 25, 1841
JANUARY, 1842
FEBRUARY 1842
FEBRUARY 7, 1842
NEW YORK, FEBRUARY 18, 1842
MANCHESTER, OCTOBER 5, 1843
LIVERPOOL, FEBRUARY 26, 1844
BIRMINGHAM, FEBRUARY 28, 1844
GARDENERS AND GARDENING. LONDON, JUNE 14, 1852
BIRMINGHAM, JANUARY 6, 1853
LONDON, APRIL 30, 1853
LONDON, MAY 1, 1853
BIRMINGHAM, DECEMBER 30, 1853
COMMERCIAL TRAVELLERS. LONDON, DECEMBER 30, 1854
ADMINISTRATIVE REFORM. WEDNESDAY, JUNE 27, 1855
SHEFFIELD, DECEMBER 22, 1855
LONDON, FEBRUARY 9, 1858
EDINBURGH, MARCH, 26, 1858
LONDON, MARCH 29, 1858
LONDON, APRIL 29, 1858
LONDON, MAY 1, 1858
LONDON, JULY 21, 1858
MANCHESTER, DECEMBER 3, 1858
COVENTRY, DECEMBER 4, 1858
LONDON, MARCH 29, 1862
LONDON, MAY 20, 1862
LONDON, MAY 11, 1864
LONDON, MAY 9, 1865
NEWSPAPER PRESS FUND.--LONDON, MAY 20, 1865
KNEBWORTH, JULY 29, 1865
LONDON, FEBRUARY 14, 1866
LONDON, MARCH 28, 1866
LONDON, MAY 7, 1866
LONDON, JUNE 5, 1867
LONDON, SEPTEMBER 17, 1867
LONDON, NOVEMBER 2, 1867
BOSTON, APRIL 8, 1868
NEW YORK, APRIL 18, 1863
NEW YORK, APRIL 20, 1868
LIVERPOOL, APRIL 10, 1869
THE OXFORD AND HARVARD BOAT RACE. SYDENHAM, AUGUST 30, 1869
BIRMINGHAM, SEPTEMBER 27, 1869
BIRMINGHAM, JANUARY 6, 1870
LONDON, APRIL 6, 1846
LEEDS, DECEMBER 1, 1847
GLASGOW, DECEMBER 28, 1847
LONDON, APRIL 14, 1851
THE ROYAL LITERARY FUND. LONDON, MARCH 12, 1856
LONDON, NOVEMBER 5, 1857
LONDON, MAY 8, 1858
THE FAREWELL READING. ST. JAMES'S HALL, MARCH 15, 1870
THE NEWSVENDORS' INSTITUTION, LONDON, APRIL 5, 1870
MACREADY. LONDON, MARCH 1, 1851
SANITARY REFORM. LONDON, MAY 10, 1851
GARDENING. LONDON, JUNE 9, 1851
THE ROYAL ACADEMY DINNER. LONDON, MAY 2, 1870

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